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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner walked away, which came as a massive blow. Several of her friends vanished at that point, as they were only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few close to her vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I open topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been planning a trip abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, yet it was not welcomed. She purely just desired me to confirm her decisions. I recently returned from a month there and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she can understand the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out demands strength and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. It should be objective and clear like an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions belong to you, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't let go of as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult when there seems no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might start out defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have closure from having been open and direct.